Robocall Revenge

Like many of us, Aaron Titus values his sleep. Unlike most people, if you get between Aaron and his beauty rest, he’ll stop at nothing to make sure you don’t sleep well. So what the hell happened to make Aaron Titus a revenge celebrity? Did he murder his wife because her snore sounded like a didgeridoo?  Did Aaron rig his apartment’s buzzer to shock his neighbor’s girlfriend who always buzzes the wrong apartment when she’s bombed? What turned a 31-year-old, suburban lawyer into a national story? It’s simple, Aaron got a phone call at 4:30 in the morning that not only woke him up, but also kept him awake—that’s a big deal to Aaron.

OK, maybe this doesn’t sound like a big deal to you—that’s fine because this isn’t about you—but it was a huge deal to Aaron. The call that changed Aaron’s life was and automated message from the Prince George's County School District. School openings were going to be delayed for two hours due to a snow storm, but Aaron ALREADY knew this because he’s a smart guy—he’s a lawyer remember? Aaron’s a tech savvy guy (pay attention this will come up later) and his children’s schools were being delayed prior to putting them to sleep, because he read it on the school’s website. Not only did the call keep Aaron up, it worked him up. Getting a call at 4:30 AM is scary, it’s usually bad news, and it might wake up one of his five children, including his one-week-old… that would really suck.

Deprived of sleep and wanting revenge, Aaron put on his thinking cap and quickly figured out how he’d get back at the bastards of Prince George County. He was going to annoy them as much as they annoyed him—it was that simple. Aaron found a website that would allow him to robocall those pricks right back. Armed with as many phone numbers of the school board members as he could find, he recorded a smarmy little message set to start at 4:30 AM the day after he received his call.

School board members were woken up the next day by Aaron’s voice:

"This is a Prince George's County School District parent, calling to thank you for the robocall yesterday at 4:30 in the morning. I decided to return the favor. While I know the school district wanted to ensure I drop my child off two hours late on a snow day, I already knew that before I went to bed. I hope this call demonstrates why a 4:30 a.m. call does more to annoy than to inform. Quit robocalling parents at 4:30 in the morning or at least allow us to opt out of these intrusive calls."

Donna Hathaway Beck was one of the eight school board members who answered Aaron’s prank call, and she was as worried he was when she picked up the phone. He caller ID told her the call was coming from someone related to the school board, but after listening to the message for a few seconds she realized it was a joke from a parent. Aaron said the caller ID should have said “Prince George’s County Parent.” Maybe he’s not as tech savvy as he claims.

Aaron made his point, and the school board reevaluated their policies, even promising to call the night before if they’re aware of a delay or cancellation. It’s a small victory for Aaron though, who has said he just wanted to “share the pain.” He’s made it abundantly clear that when you have five kids, sleep is as precious as their little heads. What Aaron doesn’t realize is that EVERYONE with a kid tells every breathing person who doesn’t have kids just how little they sleep.

Aaron, we get it: you’re only 31 and have a shit load kids and that alone is stressful. After having five kids, you’d think Aaron would just accept that he’s never sleeping again. The prank was clever, but why not just stop having kids, or ditch the fucking landline man.